"WILD" SAN ANTONIO

When I announced our move to Texas, the reactions were mixed.  The most unexpected, however, was the fear of Texas wildlife.  Noel was scared of scorpions and Becky wasn’t crazy about armadillos.  It hadn’t occurred to me that this alien environment would have “alien” critters.

The first scorpion skittering across our bedroom floor made my heart stop.  I was reading in bed; Tim was snoring.  What to do?  No weapons came to mind.  The book in hand didn’t seem weighty enough to stop the full-sized arachnid.  My arms flapped at Tim.  Flustered, he awoke and reached for a shoe.  A smack, a flush, and the scorpion was gone.

Only after the spider’s appearance did I learn that San Antonio’s mild winter and dry summer had resulted in larger than normal scorpion populations.  Oh goody!  (Sarcasm should be inferred in this last sentence.)

The scorpion’s appearance raised the obvious next question:  What happens if I get stung by one?  (FYI:  They don’t bite.  They don’t have teeth. That ominous-looking tail stings.)  The Texas Poison Center Network suggests that adults treat their stings by washing the stinging area well, applying a cold compress, and then swabbing the area with antiseptic.  Take acetaminophen for pain.  That question answered.

Moving involves a lot of questions.  Where’s the closest grocery store? post office? bank?  How do I find a good dentist? hair stylist? mechanic?  I was prepared for these queries, but not for dealing with wildlife.

Another critter has appeared in our neighborhood too – mountain lions.  In suburban St. Louis, we wrestled with raccoons, opossums, and the occasional wild turkey.  But mountain lions?  Really?  The neighborhood website recommends keeping an eye on children and small animals.  I guess because a mountain lion might consider them “lunch?”  Neighbors actually filmed a mountain lion sunning on their deck.  Geez.

What do I do if I come face to face with a mountain lion?  More research. 

Since mountain lions like to snack on smaller animals, the experts recommend no crouching or squatting.  People should work to appear as large as possible, standing on tip-toe and spreading arms wide.  Exaggerated size may discourage the mountain lion. 

While I’m more a “get-me-the-hell-away-from-this-thing” girl, wildlife agencies insist that people not run from mountain lions, as that movement can trigger an instinct in the lion to chase perceived prey.  Since this is an animal that can run down a deer or elk, I don’t stand much chance at outrunning the big cat.  So I’m supposed to face the cat and try to appear larger than I am?  I hope I don’t have to put that strategy to the test; fainting seems much more likely.

What other wildlife research do I need?  Tim saw a roadrunner recently.  No sign of Wil E. Coyote though.  Regardless, I don’t expect my research is going to produce any remedies for being hit in the head with an anvil or grand piano.