“Where has the quiet
gone?” I distinctly remember my husband
Tim asking me that question, as he blinked at me through bloodshot eyes. It was 21 years ago. We were first-time parents, sleep-deprived
and floundering. To make matters
worse, our newborn had a pair of lungs that an opera singer would be proud to
own. Her screams were infamous at her
day care center. Quiet had disappeared
from our lives.
Well… it’s back.
In August, we packed up
both children and deposited them at their respective universities. The packing, organizing, and delivering were
chaotic. The good-byes were
tearful. The return trip was…quiet.
Tim and I stared at
each other over that first supper table – confused, speechless. I cooked the same amount as always; there
were a lot of leftovers. We tried
playing a board game that we often played with the children; it wasn’t the same
without our son John’s commentary. The
T.V. didn’t instantly go on after supper, accompanied by a long discussion of
what we were going to watch that everyone would enjoy. The silence was deafening.
Tim suggested we go
out to eat the next day. We had Chinese
food. We had Chinese food, without a
discussion of what the children were going to eat because neither like Asian
cuisines. It was an “aha” moment.
Options emerged,
popping fast and furiously through our heads like popcorn’s last 20 seconds in
the microwave. I didn’t have to go to
the grocery store every other day and buy milk and my grocery bill didn’t have
to total at least $100. Tim and I could
eat more seafood, go to an adult movie, play two-handed cribbage. The television didn’t have to be on in the
evening; we could curl up and read.
 |
| the B.C. years |
We find ourselves
referring more and more to Tim and Terri, B.C. (before children) –
things we liked to do, places we liked to go, restaurants we frequented. We have to really dig through the memory banks
(this November we’ll be married 25 years), but we’re doing it and enjoying it.
Don’t misunderstand, I
miss my babies, but there are other things I have missed too. Slowly and surely, Tim and I are getting
reacquainted with those things.
Hello Silence, Welcome Back.
Ok - good to know. I have constant noise in my house: 4 kids ages 3-11. Espn or Sophia the first blaring from tv, the boing, boing, boing of a video game, me screaming "turn that down" someone screaming mom! Mom! Mom!, kids fighting. I will try to enjoy this.....
ReplyDeleteIt took Chuck and I about 10 minutes to adjust to the empty nest. But then we had two daughter that fought over everything when they lived at home and could thoroughly piss me off by 8 am. It is so nice that they grew up and reverted back to the kids we knew and loved.
ReplyDeleteTry to comfort yourselves with the thought that you did a good job. From the beginning they were not really yours, you were just given the privilege of being their parent and helping them leave the nest. So go find another great exotic restaurant that your kids would not go to and enjoy all the things about each other that you loved in the beginning. It's working for us!
Love the blog. Thanks. Think of me when you and your Mom are bobbing around in the pool having a refreshing beverage! Love ya, Julie